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New Blog for the Team is here!!!!! New Blog for the Team!!!!
Ok everyone can post to this blog so go ahead and say what you want to say.
http://jackalopeshockey.blogspot.com/
KRUGER 08 (INDEPENDENT) VOTE!!!!!
June 23, 2008 Click on the link below to see this. Jackalopes new recruit!!!! Click on the image below to see his press release. Thanks Chris for finding this guy!!!!!
May 1, 2008 A new season and a new look for the Jackalopes. After winning another Championship (lost track of how many in a row) the Jackalopes have had to regroup since some of our players have taken the season off to recoup and to seek some psychiatric rehabilitation. We have pickup up a couple of free agents over the off season and have resigned Big Mack after negotiating a deal with his cooler and blender. Things to look for this season:
January 6, 2008
Joey Marshall on You Tube surfaces. Rumors have it that Joey Marshall will be joining the new Jackalopes organization TURNED OUT TO BE FALSE after a stint in the Iron League where fellow team mates the Hanson's are still recuperating from their jail sentence. Here are two video's of Joey when playing with the old Hurricanes jersey that was spotted on You Tube. Rumor has it that Joey got a little something something after the game from the video taper.
and
October 29, 2007 Hansen & Olgethrope Conspiracy
Both now live in a retirement community where shuffle board is considered their most physical sport.
In other news!!!!!
Coach Kruger finally finished his transformation from he/she to.... something friggin weird. He is now trying to fill the spot as Largo's town manager that was vacated by Steve Stanton. Rumor is that during the transformation while Stanton was man the two had an extra marital affair which produced the following mutt.
Can you see the resemblance.... I can....
October 8, 2007
Jackalope Mascot Loses it!!!!! After spray painting over the Wicked Pissa's Log, our mascot God decided to take it one step further, and boy did he. Like the Goalie in Slap Shot Stated "He's got a cock like a horse!!!!!"
October 7, 2007 Scotty Flavor loses it again at Coach Kruger!!!!!!
These photo’s were obtained by an unknown prostitutes camera phone in the Greenwood Area in Clearwater.
After Coach Kruger demoted Scotty to the Sixth line to play by himself (no spud intended!!!!) Scotty decided to take things into his own hands.
Below is Scotty leaving Coach Kruger’s house after failed negotiations.
The second photo shows Scotty taking shots at Coach Kruger’s SUV…
Thank God for the 328 towels in the SUV that Coach Kruger uses to protect his leather seats from getting wet and dirty, no one was injured when the bullets couldn’t reach the intended target.
Here is Coach Kruger coming out of his SUV. Nice disguise
If you guys haven’t seen the video footage, click on the click below for Chris’s side of the story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrzch25LEL4 Enjoy
September 24, 2007 Jackalope's Unveil New Team Bus!!!
September 23, 2007
So it begins - The 2007 Team Jackalopes Fall season. Before we look ahead we will take a look back and review the trials and tribulations of a team in transition through the spring and summer; a team of misfits, a team of underachievers, a team with pathetic attributes. Yet, a team of beer connoisseurs that continues to strive for their own identity, character, and beer truck. And if they could have got a few hotties to join in the fray, well who knows what could have been (disregard the last comment for the married, or one’s with significant others). Towards the end of the 2007 spring season, rumors began to circulate through various media outlets that The Hurricanes were on the selling block. This shot through the locker room like a bottle of beer being dropped and shattered. It was that devastating. It appeared to have played into the minds of the Hurricane contingent as their drinking habits began to vary; players began to ignore their taste buds and lowered their standards. It was widely reported that Pabst Blue Ribbon had made it into the locker room during more than one postgame festivity. From that point forward, the Hurricanes were doomed. For most players, they left their game in the lavatory and were soundly defeated in the playoffs. This accelerated the rumors of the team fire sale. General Manager Frank Daly was confronted about the sale but strongly denied the rumors. However, during an after-the-game-debrief at a local watering hole, it was overheard by fans that the GM could not afford his tab and, in fact, had the team credit card taken from him as he was over the credit card limit of $12.50. One reporter from TMZ stated Daly immediately borrowed a pair of glasses to blend in with crowd. Within a matter of days, TMZ further reported that one Hurricane player, John “I Did Call You…Oops Wrong Number” Besedic was spotted with a known celebrity out in Los Angeles drinking at all hours of the day and was purported to have convinced this celebrity to shave her head and her “who-ha.” The Paparazzi descended on the couple like the plague. It was ugly. And unconfirmed reports had this brief but powerful engagement leading to the breakup of the celebrity with her estranged lizard-like husband. There had been sightings of pictures making their way on various internet outlets of the couple but this has not been confirmed. Meantime, the summer session commenced and it did not get off to a good start for the Hurricanes. Poor post game etiquette continued, followed by poor drinking habits. Two Hurricane members attended a post game chat session in St. Petersburg. It was widely reported that both players were so inebriated that they had to be held up by a certain police department building to steady themselves. One of the identified players, Chris “The Puerto Rican God of Love” Kruger began to order the other player, Brian “Lance Boyle” Perri around and even denied him vacation time from his daytime job. Perri demanded a pay raise at work but was quickly shot down by Kruger, who told him to take it to arbitration. No word from either party about the arbitration had surfaced during the summer and it appeared a contract was reached prior to the beginning of the fall season. However, there was no denying the sale rumors. And just before the summer playoffs began, GM Daly confirmed the sale of the Hurricanes to a group of investors from Canada and Kansas City. More on the sale later. With stress still apparent among Hurricane players and faithful and knowledge of the sale now confirmed, Hurricane hockey steamrolled through the playoffs capturing the summer league title. And most importantly, Lord Stanley’s Athletic Cup was raised high above the groin region! The crown jewel - I Ching - of all adult hockey leagues. A constant change of beverage throughout the course of the playoffs helped immensely with the team’s physical conditioning. Labatts, Molson, Guinness, and Leinenkugels provided the energy and power that had the players operating at a level never before seen, especially during the championship game. Comparisons were made of the Hurricanes to the 1974 Chicago Cougars of the old WHA. Impressive, to say the least. The off-season came and went with little fanfare. The sale of the Hurricanes continued to progress quietly. Butterfly kisses were shared with anyone willing to partake. However, what seemed like an eternity enduring the off season finally had ended and training camp opened with great anticipation. This was a one day event that saw a number of free agents in attendance. It was a violent, physical hour that made Camp Torturella look like pre-school. A lot of violence and physical contact throughout the entire hour culminated in a bench clearing brawl. Violence was not what the doctor ordered as this seemed to have segregated the team. But a blessing was on the horizon as Terry “The Pope” Killian was signed as a free agent. The Pope provided the calm, soothing atmosphere in the locker room that only he can. Terms of the Pope’s contact were not disclosed but it is alleged that he signed for a new staff to guide his shot and a bottle of Christian Brothers. Ah, the Pope of Hockey is back and tending to his flock! As for the rest of the inebriated guns for hire, check the Team Roster for complete (or - as of this press release – incomplete) listing. The 2007 fall season started with the team’s financial status and sale still uncertain. Confusion and delusion is rampant among Hurricane faithful. The team’s website has dropped the Hurricane logo and now prominently displays their new logo: Team Jackalopes. However, a bombshell was sent through the locker room after the first game, which saw the team come away with their first victory of the season. Unidentified sources confirmed that a secret meeting was held between GM Daly and members of Joseph Schlitz brewing company of Milwaukee, WI. Unidentified sources have confirmed that several six packs of the newly, reconstituted ale made the rounds in the locker room after the game. Further, Daly was a “No Show” at the team’s second game of the season, which saw the team secure its second consecutive victory. No word yet on Daly’s status or the team’s sale. Future Hall of Shamer and current team owner Chris Kruger was overheard saying, “As soon as we get the new jerseys on and out on the ice, the team will have already signed on the dotted line. Yeah, it’s a done deal. And it ain’t with Schlitz, I can tell you that. That’s a bunch of rumor crap!” When asked to comment on the shenanigans, center Brian “I’m Pinchin’ One Off” Archambault became constipated. Forward Scottie “PBR” Ballard immediately got on the phone with his agent and team officials and was overheard saying, “Trade me right f*cking now.” No word yet on his status as he hasn’t figured out how to hang up his cell phone but it appears the only taker at this time is an AA midget mite’s team from Jamaica. And what they have to offer in return is a used bobsled, or an 11 year old open and partially drank used bottle of Red Stripe beer. Kruger – when asked – stated, “No comment, g*ddamnit! But is the beer still cold?” Needless to say, the Pope has his work cut out for him in the locker room. Still, the 2007 season for Team Jackalopes (a.k.a. The Hurricanes) is progressing like a runaway AMC Pacer. Updates will be forthcoming on the sale along with information on the rest of the team contingent. Stay tuned…
September 21, 2007
After finally playing a half descent game Tuesday night by scoring two goals and assisting on another, Scotty Flavors decided to up the ante. Pictured here is Scotty talking to Coach Kruger of the Jackalope's demanding an increase in salary. Rumors were that Scotty used the famous "trade me right fuck'n now" line, but was unsuccessful when Coach Kruger told him that he's been trying for 4 years and only had one offer from the might mites hockey league in Jamaica for some mono infested water bottles and one bob sled used by the Jamaican Olympic team.
September 14, 2007 Jackalope hockey player caught going out with Britney Spears
After a brutal night of drinking with Britney Spears, Britney decided to donate her hair to the Hansen Brother Hair for Men foundation. One witness over heard Britney saying "Oops I did it again" September 12, 2007 Chris Superfly Kruger takes out Adam Chickeda Banana
The EMS had to be called in after this tremendous body slam. Maybe this is why Adam is no where to be seen.
September 11, 2007 Labatt's Blue Truck spotted out side the Jackalopes dressing room.
Since the rink does not sell our favorite beverage, we had to smuggle in a truckload of beer to quench our thirst.
Hey Labatt's, send us some free stuff!!!!
April 11, 2007 Scott Ballard's analysis on Coach Kruger's power play speech.
Greetings Gentlemen and any female viewers of
this post.
Last night's debriefing of the game in the locker room by Chris "Grapes of Chumley" Kruger left some of you scratching your head. I attempted, with humor using the Buffalo Bills as an example, to try and explain Coach Chumley's critique. Unfortunately, it appears I will have to respond in a more concerted effort to enlighten those who are still scratching their heads from Coach Chumley’s "Umbrella" Theory. Post Game Critique: Part II First, the definition of umbrella using Merriam Webster’s online dictionary resource. 1um·brel·la Pronunciation: "&m-'bre-l&, especially Southern '&m-" Function: noun Etymology: Italian ombrella, modification of Latin umbella, diminutive of umbra 1 : a collapsible shade for protection against weather consisting of fabric stretched over hinged ribs radiating from a central pole; especially : a small one for carrying in the hand 2 : the bell-shaped or saucer-shaped largely gelatinous structure that forms the chief part of the body of most jellyfishes 3 : something which provides protection: as a : defensive air cover (as over a battlefront) b : a heavy barrage 4 : something which covers or embraces a broad range of elements or factors <decided to expand...by building new colleges under a federation umbrella -- Diane Ravitch>
Lets look at each of the above references individually in relation to Coach Chumley’s post game dissection. 1. In relation to: a collapsible shade for protection against weather consisting of fabric stretched over hinged ribs radiating from a central pole; especially: a small one for carrying in the hand - I would conclude that Coach Chumley’s reference was due to the zamboni ice cleaning methods, or lack thereof, as an umbrella would have been useful with all the f*cking pools of water at game time. Still, it did not fall from the sky onto the ice. Therefore, an umbrella would not have been useful during the game using this reference. 2. In relation to: the bell-shaped or saucer-shaped largely gelatinous structure that forms the chief part of the body of most jellyfishes - I would refer to Coach Chumley as the jellyfish and point to his mid-gelatinous torso, which needs no further comment. However, I digress. As a credit to Coach Chumley’s diet, in which he has dropped several pounds of gelatinous matter, he has, in fact, corroborated this reference on his own accord. 3. In relation to: something which provides protection: as a : defensive air cover (as over a battlefront) b : a heavy barrage - Defensively speaking, we couldn’t protect much last night, except for the beer in the locker room (I will refer to the “box“ or “diamond“ defensive strategy below). Offensively speaking, this reference is not relevant to the power play we employed during the game, especially the "heavy barrage" reference. 4. In relation to : something which covers or embraces a broad range of elements or factors <decided to expand - We must watch Chumley’s waistline in the coming weeks as this could hinder his cat-like speed and prowess on the ice, especially during the power play. Defensively speaking, Coach Chumley attempted to employ the “Box and Diamond” theories during the post game debrief in relation to the penalty kill. Again, Chumley’s efforts were valid on merit but lacked sustenance. He will need to undergo remedial schooling in order to better understand what constitutes a “Box” and a “Diamond.” The Hungry Howie’s Pizza “Box” is not a valid mathematical or geometrical term when referring to theorems or postulates, mathematically speaking. Of course, his ability to adapt and overcome certain elements and employ, what I now deem the Hungry Howie’s Penalty Kill, is nothing short of spectacular. In fact, I have made application for Coach Chumley to have his analogy of a Hungry Howie’s Pizza Box in relation to the Penalty Kill reviewed by the Board of the Nobel Prize for consideration for an award in Fictional Literature. To further analyze the methods he employed with regards to the Diamond Penalty Kill Theory (using a portion of the Hungry Howie’s Penalty Kill Theorem) will unnecessarily task those on the team, even the players with superior mathematical skills, undue stress and may force those of us to drink heavily in order to understand Coach Chumley’s analysis. However, I realize that his analysis is not difficult to understand. What I do acknowledge and would like to make reference to is the confusion surrounding his language/speech that has some of the players scratching their heads. After much research, I have located the origins of an extremely small but highly evolved language known as "Squeakin' Rican." His utilization of this dialect is nothing short of phenomenal, if not spectacular. Hence, I have requested the United Nations review and adopt the language Coach Chumley uses and term the newly formed language, known this day forward, as the Language or Speech of the Squeakin' Rican. His choice of words is far superior than those employed by the African American community, referred to as Ebonics. At this time, I have grown weary of further typing analogies and tirades and have since tapped into the alcoholic beverage receptacle (that’s refrigerator, Chumley) and have begun to medicate myself. One final thought - Can anyone explain to me why Dave Johnson kept singing “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull last night, both on the ice and on the bench?
Last Modified 04/27/2009 10:14:17 PM |
